yourxpridex - could my name be any more emo?

Across This New Divide 3/?

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 01:59:40 GMT

fTitle: Across This New Divide 3/?
Author: yourxpridex
Beta: chrysrocks
The Players: Dean, Sam, Castiel, Ruby, and some other random SPN characters
Rating: PG-13
Warning: dead!Sam, dead!Dean, religious themes throughout, bits of violence here and there… it’s hell people.
Disclaimer: I can only hope that the Sam/Dean owners don't mind me playing with them for a bit or I'll be in big trouble. The title was shamelessly stolen from Linkin Park's New Divide.
Summary: Life after death is nothing like the boys expected.

Banner by chrysrocks

There were many things Dean never told Sam. He never told him about the time he snorted crystal meth behind the only gas station in town when he was sixteen. He never told Sam exactly how he scrounged up enough money to buy Sam another damn box of Fruit Loops after Sam inhaled the only box they had in a single sitting. Dean never told Sam about the women he loved and lost. Yes, there were many things that Dean Winchester had not told his baby brother, but all paled in comparison to his the biggest secret. The one he carried with him into death: the secret of what he really learned in hell.

One thing about heaven is that it isn’t simply a free for all. There are rules about how to get there. Seemingly good people can and do go to hell, and those who appear to be bad sometimes find themselves in heaven. Unfortunately for Sam, he learned this way too late. News of his admittance to hell was met with great joy among the demons of the underworld. Which one wouldn’t want to have a chance at Sam Winchester, the man who helped exorcised countless numbers of their wicked asses back to hell? There was practically a waiting list and at the name at the top was Ruby.

Sam’s awakening in hell wasn’t pleasant, nor was it anything like he expected. He woke sitting, leaning back against a wall. When he attempted to move he discovered he was manacled to it in such a way as to give him a limited range of motion, but that prevented him from finding comfort in that movement. He was unable to stand, stretch out his legs, or lay down. He was blinded by a veil covering his face, and time stretched out behind him in a vast immeasurable river of years. The air was filled screams of pain and torment, but in the beginning none of those screams were his. No physical pain was inflicted on him, except for a slight burn from the eternal fire that felt more like a sunburn than torture.

Emotional pain was a different story. Kept completely isolated from any contact for so long, his mind raced continually with thoughts of where he had gone wrong. What had he done that sent him to hell? Was it the demon blood, the curse he carried with him his entire life? Was God cruel enough he had sent Sam to hell over something he couldn’t control? If that wasn’t torture enough, there were the occasional whispers against his ear.

You get what you deserve. The voice would echo in his mind for years and just when the memory started to fade the whisper would come again. No one can save you.

The voice mocked him. Sam gave up calling for Dean. He thought that hell had broken his brother. Dean had barely survived hell the first time; there was no way he could have done so again. Sam wanted to save him; he ached to protect his brother from all of it, but there was nothing he could do and so he failed. The voice used that fact against him relentlessly.

Dean’s gone, it whispered, gone he’s gone, Dean’s gone.

The constant reminder of how he’d failed Dean was torturous, but even worse was when the voice began sounding like those he loved. Dean, his dad and mom … it didn’t play favorites. Sam screamed his until his vocal cords cracked and bled the first time he heard his mother’s voice surrounding him. He was given no time to recover from that when the disembodied voice took on the sound of his father, Sam screamed then until his voice finally gave out. Broken and mute, when Dean’s voice made an appearance all Sam could do was sob silently.

Save me Sam. I’m not strong enough.

He knew deep down that it wasn’t his brother speaking to him. There was a coldness to the tone, and something all together un-Dean like about the way the voice talked. Still, it was the sound of his brother’s voice that haunted him the most. That was the torment that caused the most physical reaction. His entire body trembled whenever Dean’s voice ghosted against his ears. Save Dean, have to save Dean. The refrain wound ceaselessly through Sam’s mind and he’d torn his fingertips to shreds trying to claw his way free from the chains holding him, or failing that to simply rid himself of the veil covering his eyes. Nothing helped, he was useless.

Ruby was the one who set Sam free from his personal hell. She released him from his shackles and removed the veil from his eyes. It was the closest thing to a tender moment he had since he’d gone to hell; he hadn’t forgotten what they were like. Unlike most that end up in hell, he wasn’t given the luxury of forgetting his former self. He had spent years trapped in his mind, wrapped in memories and heartache. He remembered what it was like to be loved. Ruby had never loved him though, not in the full sense of the word anyhow, and the tenderness she had shown removing his shackles was nothing more than a sham.

"It’s time to come out and play, Sam Winchester. The boys have been waiting for you." Ruby said and motioned around her to the horde of demons that had shown up to watch Sam be broken. Sam barely noticed them, however as his eyes instantly sought the light shining about a mile above them. It was freedom, a portal to the earthly world. His eyes darted to Ruby and then back to the only thing that had given him a spark of hope in decades before he attempted to take off towards it. After years of inactivity, his body betrayed him and he found himself on his ass panting with pain after a single step. A chorus of laughter followed his attempt as he looked up at Ruby. "Baby must learn to crawl before he walks," she taunted, kicking him in the side. "Besides, we still have a lot of training to do before you’re ready to go out there."

With that, Sam felt his body being lifted from the ground, carried closer into the heat. He moaned in discomfort before screaming silently in pain, his ruined throat unable to make a sound despite the agony. It got hotter and hotter; his body never adjusted to the heat. The road was long and Sam faded in and out of consciousness, but it still seemed too soon when he felt himself tossed unceremoniously onto a shelf of slate. The slate seemed hotter than the surrounding fire, searing him to the bone, Sam felt his flesh melt into the stone. Throwing his head back in agony, Sam’s skull cracked with contact with the rock. It was painful but it was a different pain, and he welcomed it; anything to take his mind away from the heat. The sound of breaking bones drew attention from the leader and seconds later Ruby was straddling Sam, knees on either side of Sam’s torso. "Now now, Sammy, don’t you hurt yourself. We have too many plans for you to allow that."

As she spoke, she was cutting into her flesh. She looked nothing like her meat suit had suggested. She was scarred and burned black, but unfortunately for Sam her blood was still hers. He fought the desire to drink from Ruby, after all that was what had sealed his fate. He could pretend all he wanted, but deep inside he’d known all along why he was in hell. Despite his internal battle the moment the first drop touched his tongue he forgot all reason. His fleshed peeled away from his back exposing bone when he sat up to latch onto Ruby. He paid no attention to the additional agony, and the results of the blood on his abused system were instantaneous. His vocal chords repaired, his skin renewed and hardened protecting him from the heat of hell and his eyes and limbs adapted. Sam felt young again. Sam felt whole and alive; it was only then he realized exactly what he was agreeing to and pulled away abruptly.

"Dean," his voice was deep, a low hum in the back of his throat. "I have to get Dean." He tried to push Ruby off of him, but she only held him tighter. Studying his face, Ruby was confused for a moment before suddenly she realized what was happening, and laughing cruelly she removed herself from Sam’s body.

"Dean? You think Dean is here?" She asked shaking her head. "Sorry Sammy, Dean left you to rot away here in hell while he enjoys the luxuries of heaven." Truthfully, Ruby was surprised that Dean hadn’t told Sam what everyone learns when they go to hell. However, she was pleased since the knowledge gave her a bit of leverage to get Sam where she wanted him. "So, Dean didn’t tell you?"

Sam shook his head bewildered. Dean was in heaven? How? A wave of bitterness threatened to pull him under, Dean didn’t deserve heaven any more than Sam did. Frowning, Sam studied Ruby’s face and realized she was being totally serious.

"No, he didn’t."

With a curl of her lips, she leaned forward and whispered into Sam’s ear what Dean Winchester knew and had failed to tell his baby brother.

Across This New Divide 2/?

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:33:13 GMT

Title: Across This New Divide 2/?
Author: yourxpridex
Beta: chrysrocks
The Players: Dean, Sam, Castiel
Rating: PG-13
Warning: dead!Sam, dead!Dean, religious themes throughout
Disclaimer: I can only hope that the Sam/Dean owners don't mind me playing with them for a bit or I'll be in big trouble. The title was shamelessly stolen from Linkin Park's New Divide.
Summary: Life after death is nothing like the boys expected.

Banner by chrysrocks

Heaven smelt like warm chocolate chip cookies, and that was the only thing Dean was certain about. To say he was shocked when he opened his eyes and discovered that his chest wasn’t being pried open by hot iron pokers would be the understatement of the century. He was ecstatic. Maybe he meant something to the Big Guy upstairs after all? Why else would he end up in heaven when he deserved nothing less than hell’s fire?

To be honest, heaven was nothing like he thought it would be. If he had to give credit to a religion for being right about the afterlife (at least the heaven part of it), it would have to be the Christians. They had gotten it mostly right: streets of gold, lots of singing, and the smell of warm cookies. Well, he wasn’t sure if the last bit was Biblical or not but it was still pretty damn awesome in his book. There were a few things that troubled him; the absence of Sam was the most important, and weighed heavily on his mind. If Dean had made it upstairs, then Sam must be around as well. The way people looked at him was also a cause for concern. Wasn’t heaven supposed to be a happy place? What was up with the way people whispered when he was around?

Well, Dean guessed they weren’t really people anymore. They had something that could be considered a human form, but there was something divine and eternal about them. Around them, he felt dirty. Filthy if he was completely honest. His body had undergone a transformation and all the scars and battle wounds he had acquired since his last reset were gone, with a glaring exception, Castiel’s handprint still marked his shoulder. His perfect new body marred by the hand of an angel. It didn’t take being in heaven long to realize it wasn’t normal. Everyone had been given a new, perfected, and eternal body when they died, and he was stuck with his partially transformed hunk of heavenly reject. It was one thing to be considered a freak on earth, but being thought of as one in heaven hurt.

Being different had never really bothered Dean before, but there was something more extreme about this sort of different. Dean was sure that he wasn’t supposed to be different. People actually flinched away when he approached them, not that he approached anyone often. He only talked to people when he was out on his a mission to find Sam. The unending search for his brother had become the new hunt. Sam had to be there; he was probably holed up somewhere just waiting and watching. No one had heard of Sam, and no one wanted a thing to do with Dean. He was alone, more alone than he had ever been before. On earth he had Sam and his father to keep him company. In hell… he was never alone in hell. There had always been the voices and the shadows in hell. And so time passed and he found himself more alone than ever, heaven had become his own personal hell.

To make matters worse, he couldn’t locate Sam and he was beginning to fear the worst. Wouldn’t Sam be looking for him too? Heaven was a big place, but people seemed to have no trouble finding each other. Although Dean wasn’t sure how much time had passed since Sam and he died, he had a feeling it had been a long time. Time moved differently in heaven, just like it had in hell. He didn’t know if anyone else felt it, the way that time shifted there. Heaven might be eternal, but that didn’t make it timeless. And so time passed, and still there were no answers for Dean Winchester.

Dean had started to wonder if he was destined to spend his eternal life clueless and alone when he finally saw someone he knew. Flustered by the idea of interacting with another person, Dean was unable to call after the man. Instead he hurried behind him. It annoyed Dean that he was forced to walk in heaven, shouldn’t they be able to teleport themselves one place to another? When he finally got his tongue to move and his voice to work he managed to croak out a quick "Castiel."

There really wasn’t any reason to be surprised to see Castiel there. It was heaven after all, and heaven is where angels belonged, but he was in awe at seeing someone he knew. Castiel turned to face him, slowly taking in Dean’s form before the faintest smile appeared on his face. It was only then that Dean realized that Castiel was different. He wasn’t in his meat suit anymore, and yet Dean still recognized him as clear as day. There was something so essentially Castiel about the being in front of him that there was no doubt in Dean’s mind who it was.

"Am I Castiel to you?" the being questioned, throwing Dean off guard. Attempting to make sure he was talking to who he thought he was talking to, Dean looked him over again. Well, he didn’t look like Jimmy and his voice was different, but so was everyone else’s. It was part of the eternal being thing.

"What the hell, Cas?" The words had hardly left his lips when the sky darkened just a bit before brightening up once again, like a power surge. Confused for a moment, Dean quickly realized what happened. "Oh right, the whole holy heavenly thing. Cussing fu… messes with things up here?"

Castiel nodded in response to Dean’s question. Yes, cursing was unheard of in heaven. In fact, Dean shouldn’t have been able to cuss at all. Castiel had heard the rumors of Dean’s uniqueness, but never realized how different the man actually was. Cussing made him too human, too sinful and it proved that Dean didn’t belong in heaven.

Silence stretched between them. Castiel appeared to be uncomfortable around Dean. While Dean was used to it, he thought that Castiel, at least, would be a little more at ease with him. After all, the angel knew him, but it seemed that relationships were different in heaven. Everything was different and Dean would be damned if he could handle it. “Come on Cas, tell me what’s going on.” Dean couldn’t hide the desperation in his voice. The prospect of finally have answers was the most exciting thing that had happened him since he died.

"Very well, come with me."

<< Chapter 1

Fic: Across This New Divide 1/?

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 03:03:50 GMT

Title: Across This New Divide 1/?
Author: yourxpridex
Beta: chrysrocks … and she does
The Players: Dean, Sam, Castiel
Rating: PG-13
Warning: dead!Sam, dead!Dean, religious themes throughout
Disclaimer: I can only hope that the owners of Sam and Dean don't mind me playing with them for a bit or I'll be in big trouble. Title shamelessly stolen from Linkin Park's New Divide.
Summary: Life after death is nothing like the boys expected.

The day the Winchester boys died the world changed. Not in the superficial fuck-it-all-they-died kind of way, after all the brothers were just pawns in a war much greater than themselves. No, when Sam and Dean died they went out in a bang, just like they always wanted. They released on the world a terror like they had never seen; one they would never experience in their mortal bodies. They were Lucifer’s first victims on earth. It all happened quite accidentally. As it turned out, releasing Lucifer from his cage came with a great deal of hellfire, and the few seconds Sam and Dean spent in tears over what they had done, should have been spent running from the inferno. There couldn't have been a more noble nor poetic death for the brothers. Winchesters always went out in flames, and for the last of the family only hell's fire could do the trick. Fortunately for them, their deaths were almost painless, as if God decided to step in and take mercy on them in their final breaths.

Dying is nothing like what Hollywood would have you believe. There is no white light, no voices calling you to the other side, and there's certainly no crossroad where you have to make a choice about your ultimate destiny. There's only darkness and pain. So much pain, the result of your very core being ripped from the only vessel it has ever known. Sam and Dean had pondered what comes after death; neither was foolish enough to believe that there wasn't some sort of afterlife waiting for them. They had handled too many ghosts, and sent too many demons back to hell to not believe in something greater than themselves. Neither were strangers to dying, so when it came time to give up their earthly bodies for the final time there were no surprises.

What they had not anticipated, was that they would spend eternity apart.

Hell was the afterlife Dean had always pictured for himself. After all, where else does a foul mouthed, gluttonous man-whore go when he dies? Hell. Hell was made for people like him, people who just didn't give a damn about their eternal souls. Even after his little visit to the place down under, Dean made no real effort to change where he would spend eternity. He believed it was his destiny; something that could not be changed. He was too jaded, and too wounded to go to heaven. Heaven was for those who were saintly and pure; Dean was neither of those things.

Then there was Sam. While Dean wouldn't have wished hell on Sam, he always believed that Sam would go with him. Sam wasn't a saint, but Dean had concluded long ago that if either one of them ended up in heaven, it would be Sam. Sam prayed, and had believed in God and angels long before they made a physical appearance in his life. Sam had faith; something Dean had always lacked, but there was still that issue of the demon blood that would forever course through Sam's body. Even if that wasn't enough to damn him, then Sam's actions in the last few years of his life had sealed Sam's fate in Dean's eyes. Not that he’d ever told his baby brother that.

Sam, on the other hand, held a very different opinion on life after death. Even if events had shaken his faith in the angels, he believed in a good and righteous God right up until his death. Sam was a generally good person, and even in his moments of weakness, he acted out of social obligation. He believed he was doing what was right for the sake of mankind. In fact, in Sam's eyes, he and Dean had acted out of a selfless desire to save the world. A tall order had been placed on their shoulders. Sam wasn’t hardheaded enough to suggest that he and Dean deserved heaven, but they had lived such a hell on earth that it seemed unfair to actually send them to hell. And really, was Dean such a horrible person anyway?

It turned out that both the Winchester boys were wrong, and when the passage from life to death was complete both brothers were surprised at where they ended up.

>> Chapter Two

Friends Only

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:08:05 GMT

Friends Only

Comment to be added